“Why Be So Nasty And So Rude, When I Can Be So Fierce And So Successful?” — Nene Leakes, Real Housewives of Atlanta
Um, hi?
A lot has happened since we last spoke. WE HAVE A NEW PREZ *cough* Kamala *cough*. I feel like we can finally breathe a little bit. But the fight isn’t near from over. It’s just FINALLY beginning. I’m still in it, are you?
This week we’re continuing take action by supporting Georgia voters. As many of you know, two Georgia races will determine who controls the Senate. And if you don’t know why that’s important, I can’t help you.
Yesterday LUIGICYCLE was for The New Georgia Project. We raised almost $400!
Today @ 9:30a // LUIGICYCLE Britney Spears Theme Ride for Fair Fight Action
As promised in my subject line. I’ve put together a list of Democrat politicians who make my noona tingle. Here you go/you’re welcome.
Brian Sims — Haus of Reps // Philadelphia, PA
HOLLER AT PHILLY! I’ve never wanted to go to a 3rd tier city more than I did on Saturday after we found out Joe/Kamala won. I know what you’re thinking, this is the face of a man who would absolutely take you on 1.5 dates just so he can say he fucked you, and then ghost you for a PR girl named Alli (yes, two L’s). WRONG. He’s gay. Which means he’ll leave you for a Brad or Chad, or someone with a big dick and a 6 pack.
Corey Booker — Senator // New Jersey
Biiiiiiiiiiitch. When I tell you I’d be happy if this man ran me over with his car SEVERAL times…he’s THAT fine. Ladies, he’s 6’3, smart as fuck, and something about him makes me wanna sit on his face and rub his bald head until it tells me the future. Confirmed straight because no gay man would ever be with Rosario Dawson after what she did to the role of Mimi Marquez on the movie adaptation of RENT. Also, I know his campaign manager is on this email. Pls DO NOT send this to him.
Pete Buttigieg — Mayor // South Bend, IN
OK OK OK hear me out. Yes, he has the voice and demeanor of the history teacher from Clueless. And yes, I can squish him with my thumb. (Way harsh, Tai!) But the way this man fucking throws shade at the Trump Administration when he’s doing interviews on FOX news makes me literally foam at the mouth. Who doesn’t love a bitchy queen who can read a dumb conservative to filth? Couple that with the way he rolls those sleeves up to appear more relatable — we have a political chameleon y’all! Pete, if you’re reading this, we know you’re rich ok? You worked at McKinsey and then left to become a Mayor??? Stop getting your hair done at Supercuts, and please for the love of (Gay) God move out of INDIANA.
Barack Obama // President
HOTTEST PRESIDENT PERIODT.
It’s his smile for me.
It’s the way he looks at his wife for me.
It’s the how he handles a basketball for me.
It’s the fact that he remains cool under pressure for me.
It’s his ability to be compassionate for me.
It’s the BDE for me.
Sorry Boomers, you won’t understand that.
Stacey Abrams // Future Cabinet Member
Sorry for throwing you the curveball, but this woman right here? Can get it. After last week, she can do anything she wants to me. I mean ANYTHING.
And finally …
Jon Ossoff and Raphael Warnock // Georgia U.S. Senate Candidates
I would be the caramel drizzle on this hot fudge sundae any day of the week, honey. Miss Gawd gimme the diabetes, I don’t care! And need I remind those of you who didn’t ask at all… I am on keto.
See you soon,
xx Luigi